Blurbology 101: How to promote your writing

through shameless name dropping

by John Hershey

Surfing the internet during the day is like a journey to a different world whose limitless possibilities often make me completely forget about other mundane tasks like working, eating, and meeting my children at the school bus. On these fascinating virtual treks I occasionally browse the websites of my fellow aspiring humorists, and I'm starting to notice a pattern. Novice humor writers often compare themselves to the great masters of the genre. Many sites

announce that the writer has been called (without mentioning by whom) "the new Erma Bombeck" or "the next Dave Barry".

This is very impressive, of course. For one thing, it demonstrates great self-confidence on the part of the writer, which is essential for success. Nowadays it seems that brash confidence is even more important than talent or ability, if not for writers then for people with less important jobs like President, Attorney General, and Secretary of Defense.

I don't have that kind of self-confidence, so I can't use this method. I would never have the audacity to compare myself to Dave Barry!  Mark Twain, perhaps, or Will Rogers. "Benchleyesque" is a word that suggests itself when I think about my own writing. But never Dave Barry.

Even for writers who have this level of confidence, I think it's usually better if someone other than yourself compares you to a great writer. Preferably someone who is not your mom or your cat. It's basically a credibility issue.

The best way to promote your writing, of course, is with a quote from the famous writer himself or herself. But what are our chances of getting a blurb from Dave Barry? Imagine how many requests he must get. Let the poor man be, for heaven's sake. He's far too busy writing prequels to the Brothers Karamazov or lighting cigars with $1000 bills or being a space tourist on a

Russian rocket or whatever successful writers do.

Fortunately, I have found the perfect solution, a way for struggling new writers to generate the buzz that comes with a legitimate comparison to a famous author.

Here's how my method works: I send a humor piece to a prominent magazine or newspaper. A few weeks later, I call the editor and ask what he or she thought of my submission. Chances are, the response will be something like, "Let's put it this way: You're no Dave Barry."

Bingo! I got just what I needed. I can now state honestly on my website that the powerful editor of a major periodical has compared me to Dave Barry. Unfavorably, of course. But that doesn't change the indisputable fact that my humor writing has been compared to Dave Barry's! And they can't take that away from me.

Now you too have the tools to get the perfect blurb for your website or book jacket. Just remember my motto: a negative comparison is still a comparison!

John Hershey is a writer who writes about how to write about writing. His garden writing, which has been compared to Thoreau's, appears frequently in the San Francisco Chronicle. To read some, visit www.rakishwit.com.