SUBJECT: Submission: Reality TV in my home
My award-winning parenting humor column appears regularly in the Christian Science Monitor and has also been featured in Atlanta Parent magazine, the Sacramento Bee, Anchorage Daily News and ParentingHumor.com. I think the readers of your magazine will relate to my recent column, "Living with Reality TV," which I've included below. If you like what you read, I have many other reprints available.
Thank you for your consideration.
Best regards,
Tim Bete
timbete@cs.com
Living with reality TV
by Tim Bete
No satellite television, no deluxe cable package, no problem! Why watch the dozens of reality TV shows when you can live them? If you think spending four weeks on a deserted island with a bunch of strangers (aka Survivor) is difficult, try spending four minutes with my kids in the Isle of Candy at the supermarket. You'll beg to be voted out of the store.
During the past few months, our house has been one nonstop reality TV show. Here are the recent TV listings from where I live.
Big Brother: Five-year-old Paul torments his one-year-old sister, Annie, by hiding her juice cup. Later, Annie gets even by biting Paul on the leg.
Big Sister: Paul searches for ear plugs as his older sister attempts to enter the
Guinness Book of World Records with a six-hour whining fit about parents who are unfair.
Sibling Boxing: As gruesome as Celebrity Boxing but without Tanya Harding! This week in the ring:
CARD 1: Paul (age 5) vs. Maria (age 7)
CARD 2: Maria vs. Paul rematch
CARD 3: Maria vs. Paul rematch
Sibling Boxing is followed by Who wants a long timeout?
Fear Factor: Last week the babysitter canceled and Mom and Dad had to spend an entire night with the kids. This week, baby Annie has polished off a pint of blueberries, two containers of prune yogurt and a box of raisins. Mom and Dad debate who will change the next diaper. Viewer discretion advised.
Frontier House: Have you ever wondered what life was really like for pioneers living in the American West during the late 19th century? How did they fare without the modern conveniences we take for granted? Could a modern-day family handle a pioneer family's lifestyle? Watch the Bete family as they lose electricity for an evening and resort to ordering pizza using their cel phone.
The Mole: A family member has some minor surgery.
Temptation Freezer: Temptation Freezer is an unscripted dramatic series in which a family's freezer is filled with gourmet ice cream to test and explore the strength of their willpower. Will the ice cream last the night? Tim can hear the Cookies & Cream calling his name.
Search for a Supermodel: Tim finds his wife in the kitchen.
Who wants to empty the trash? Family members avoid emptying the trash for as long as possible. Contestants each receive one lifeline telephone call from a friend who tries to provide an alibi to get out of the house.
Name that sound! This new show, which was originally called Who put the golf ball in the garbage disposer? was invented by a child who is also on the show America's Most Wanted.
The Newborns: Tim struggles to change the triplets, wakes and realizes he has no new babies but has diapered all the pillows in the bed.
Sorry, there's no one named Ozzy in this program.
Copyright 2002, Timothy P. Bete
